Missing him

Larry called today. I spoke to him around 2:30 p.m. it seemed like it had been forever since I last spoke with him and it was only yesterday. Life goes by so fast when you get only a few minutes a day to speak to the father of your children and the love of your life. I miss him so badly that when I do hear his voice my heart sings and my heart sometimes feels like it could explode with love for him. I miss him so much that every time I hear his voice or think of him, I get a huge lump in my throat and I want to cry. I just miss him so bad and my heart aches for all the things he is going to miss. It is so much harder raising our kids without my partner by my side, he was always the one that tethered me when I didn't know what to do. He had all the answers and could see the kids' side when I could not imagine where it was they were coming from. He is my best friend and that is what I miss the very most. I miss my friend!

When I dream, I try to dream of him so I can be with him once more. It never works, I dream of him, but I can't see his face, feel his touch, or get to him. He is always just outside my grasp and I awake longing for him more than I did before I fell asleep. I sometimes want to just fall asleep and stay that way until he comes home again. It has been almost seven months since he was taken from me, and it has not gotten any easier. I wish it would, I still can not figure out how to go on without him. He has been such a part of me and my existence for over twenty years now. I love my husband so much and I can't wait to have him in my arms again.