Larry's Journal

So, tonight Draydon found his Dad's journal with two entries. I know sometimes journals should be private, but I feel compelled to share what he has written in this one. It was from a couple months before his arrest. Danene was going through a tough time after being attacked by a boyfriend and then made to feel like it was her fault by our justice system. Danene had also attempted suicide and had been hospitalized because of it. The foster girls were both struggling with self esteem and thinking boyfriends were their way up the ladder of life. Draydon was going through a lot in his first year of high school and had been bullied a lot.

Entry #1; My Girls

I wish that all this pain and worthlessness would go away. Am I a good Dad? Can I help these girls through the hard times in their life? Can I do all that I can to make sure that they will not ever get hurt?

I try so hard to be a good man, husband, father, but I wonder if I can beat these demands on my back. I hurt for Danene, (name of oldest foster daughter) and (name of youngest foster daughter) so much. I can see things that they can't, I just hope they will listen to me so I can save them from sorrow, sorrow that I have felt many times in my life.

They need to know that they are more beautiful than they will ever know and that they don't need a boy to feel good about themselves.

(they need to know) that they have more power inside and from Heaven that will make them princesses some day if they will only listen to the Lord and their Daddy.

Entry #2; My boy

I see a young man before my eyes and he is every thing I wish I would have been at his age! I look up to this young man and I love him with all my heart. I see him struggle and inside I say 'don't give up, you can do this" He loves the Lord and I know by the choices that he makes every day. I know that he is being tested right now and I see the pain in his eyes. I know that he will be a great man someday I pray every night that the Lord will send the angels in Heaven to lift him up through his hard time. I hope that he says his personal prayers. He gives me so much strength by watching what he goes through and I think, 'if he can, then maybe I can beat these demands on my back'.

I am so thankful that Draydon found this journal, it was something we all needed to feel close to him at this time. These words show the man and father that I have been married to for 20 years this year. Draydon flipped through the pages after reading these and then said "mom, I want more"! Remember your loved ones want to read what you felt when you are not there to tell them yourselves. Journaling is so very important to those that love you.