A mean letter from our oldest foster daughter

Today I got a letter from our oldest foster daughter, who up until a short while ago, still wanted us to adopt her. She sent several messages of love then they just stopped out of the blue. Today I got a letter in a DHS envelope and it was mean and very unkind. I cried very hard and realized she is just a very hurt child who has never been told the truth or allowed to hear the truth. DHS whisked her away almost immediately from us. I would retype her letter here, but I feel it could cause others to look badly upon her. She is not a bad person but simply a hurt child who feels unloved now. I will post my response to her here;

Note; I leave out the names of our foster children on this blog because I do not want to ever be accused of exploiting them.

My dear (name),

I was so excited when I saw I had gotten a letter from you, then as I read it my heart broke into a million tiny pieces. I will tell you that Draydon is angry and Danene refuses to read it because her pain is too great at loosing you already.

I am so happy for you that you have a new family. I have always wished only the best for you. If you are happy, that is all I have ever wanted. You deserve to be happy because you are a wonderful girl.

I understand that you are very angry, and you have the right to be. I remember when you came to our home, you were amazed when you learned you could be forgiven, I recall times holding you in my arms, as you cried because your family could not forgive you. I am very sad that it is my ability to forgive that is the very thing that has driven you away. You know that all of us in this family have the ability to forgive, why would we forgive all others in this world and then not someone we already love? I learned a very long time ago that being a sex offender does not make someone a bad person. It is a title and if you listen to the pamphlets put out in the prison system, the actual offence is usually just a very minute part of what someone has done in their life and it does not define them. I'm not sure where you heard that we said 'nothing happened' I myself have heard that rumor about us too. When we talk in our home and to others, that understand, we have always said that something happened. Like I said before, that does not define Larry.

People ask me all the time how I can forgive him, the best way I can explain it is through a math problem. If what he did was the weight of 1,000 horrible pounds, and every good thing in life he has done is worth a mere one pound each, his good will still far out weigh the bad with more than a zillion pounds. You have to know that Danene and Draydon have an entire lifetime of great memories with their dad. He laughed with them often took them camping, fishing , shopping etc. etc. They have all those memories and that makes one act very difficult to erase those memories.

Yes, I freaked on Larry, and it is ok for me and the kids and even you to be mad about what happened. I have two years of college from when I was in Utah and my studies in Utah were in psychology. (that is like a counselor) I have always been very interested in the way the human mind works. I happen to know that Larry and I both were sexually abused as children. It is not an easy thing to get through, but I know my husband is a good man and I have almost 100 letters from people that know him who say the same thing. I'm sorry you don't understand that and I wish you could feel how freeing it is to be able to forgive.

(name), you have always been loved in our home and have never been judged. We will always love you and you will always have a very special piece of my heart. That will never go away.

In you letter you addressed Danene, and said you guys reported 'it'. I want you to think real hard about what exactly you reported. Danene claims you must not remember.

I myself have NEVER wished your sister an harm. I don't know where you may have heard otherwise. I don't know all of what my children have said, but I do know that you recall your own family wishing horrible things on you, people that are hurting, say things they don't mean. I am not excusing it, but you should know that Danene and Draydon hurt every single day and it is constant. They, and you are still young enough that you don't know any other way to deal with pain than to lash out and hurt others. It breaks my heart to watch their daily pain. It breaks my heart also whenever I think of you and the pain you must be going through.

There have been so many rumors going around, and it sounds as if you have heard some of them. I was very hurt by so many awful things I was hearing about myself, about you, about (your sister). Then I read in a book put out by church leaders that "anything that feels bad is what Satan wants you to feel, anything that feels good inside is of God." Every time I would get upset over rumors, I would remember that Satan was winning. I feel good inside about who I am, my marriage, my memories of Larry, my memories of you and many other things. So now, I try to focus on what feels good inside because that is what God wants me to do.

I am truly sorry that this happened, you need to know that if there was anyway I could have prevented it I would have. I would do anything to go back and stop whatever was to come. I would say "I wish I never took you girls in, then this could never have happened" but I can't say that because knowing and loving you changed my life forever and I would never change that. I found a song that defines my relationship with you it is called "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. It says, "I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the dance" If you look at yourself as "the dance" I want you to know I wouldn't give away all this pain if it meant I never would have known you. I love you (name) and even if I never see you in this life, I will always love you and I will look forward to seeing you in eternity where forgiveness is required.

<3 Wendi

P.S. I re-read your letter and if you mean physical by beatings, NO ONE in my home ever hit her or caused her pain like that and you know that.

I miss her so terribly and I only hope my words will get to her and she will understand. I love her dearly and miss my other daughter!